101 Famous and Funny Coffee Quotes

funny coffee quotes

If you are like me, coffee is not just a drink; it’s an essential part of your daily routine, a ritual, a source of comfort, and a reason to smile.

In celebration of our shared love for this magical elixir, I’ve compiled a list of funny coffee quotes and puns from various authors, celebrities, and historical figures that will surely make you chuckle as you sip your favorite cup of joe.

These coffee puns and quotes are perfect for sharing with friends on Facebook or other types of social media, adding a touch of humor to your morning routine, or simply brightening your day.

Humor Funny Coffee Quotes

So, grab your steaming mug, sit back, and join me in a delightful journey through the hilarious world of coffee-inspired wit and wordplay.

  1. “Without my morning coffee, I’m just like a dried-up piece of goat.” – J.S. Bach
  2. “A morning coffee is my favorite way of starting the day, settling the nerves so that they don’t later fray.” – Marcia Carrington
  3. “I have measured out my life with coffee spoons.” – T.S. Eliot
  4. “I never laugh until I’ve had my coffee.” – Clark Gable
  5. “Coffee is the best thing to douse the sunrise with.” – Terri Guillemets
  6. “What goes best with a cup of coffee? Another cup.” – Henry Rollins
  7. “To me, the smell of fresh-made coffee is one of the greatest inventions.” – Hugh Jackman
  8. “I believe humans get a lot done, not because we’re smart, but because we have thumbs so we can make coffee.” – Flash Rosenberg
  9. “Even bad coffee is better than no coffee at all.” – David Lynch
  10. “Coffee, the favorite drink of the civilized world.” – Thomas Jefferson
  11. “Coffee makes us severe, and grave, and philosophical.” – Jonathan Swift
  12. “Coffee is a way of stealing time that should by rights belong to your older self.” – Terry Pratchett
  13. “As long as there was coffee in the world, how bad could things be?” – Cassandra Clare
  14. “Coffee first. Schemes later.” – Leanna Renee Hieber
  15. “I can’t imagine a day without coffee. I can’t imagine!” – Howard Schultz
  16. “Black as the devil, hot as hell, pure as an angel, sweet as love.” – Charles Maurice de Talleyrand
  17. “I’d rather take coffee than compliments just now.” – Louisa May Alcott
  18. “Coffee is a hug in a mug.” – Unknown
  19. “I like my coffee like I like myself: strong, sweet, and too hot for you.” – Jac Vanek
  20. “Coffee smells like freshly ground heaven.” – Jesse Lane Adams
  21. “Coffee should be black as hell, strong as death, and sweet as love.” – Turkish Proverb
  22. “I orchestrate my mornings to the tune of coffee.” – Terri Guillemets
  23. “You can’t buy happiness, but you can buy coffee, and that’s pretty close.” – Unknown
  24. “Coffee is the common man’s gold, and like gold, it brings to every person the feeling of luxury and nobility.” – Sheik-Abd-al-Kadir
  25. “Coffee, the finest organic suspension ever devised.” – Star Trek: Voyager
  26. “Adventure in life is good; consistency in coffee even better.” – Justina Chen
  27. “Coffee is a beverage that puts one to sleep when not drank.” – Alphonse Allais
  28. “Coffee is like a high-five in your mouth.” – Unknown
  29. “Coffee is a language in itself.” – Jackie Chan
  30. “Coffee, it’s the lifeblood that fuels the dreams of champions!” – Mike Ditka
  31. “The powers of a man’s mind are directly proportioned to the quantity of coffee he drinks.” – Sir James Mackintosh
  32. “Way too much coffee. But if it weren’t for the coffee, I’d have no identifiable personality whatsoever.” – David Letterman
  33. “I like my coffee with cream and my literature with optimism.” – Abigail Reynolds
  34. “Life’s too short to drink cheap coffee.” – Unknown
  35. “Coffee and friends make the perfect blend.” – Unknown
  36. “My birthstone is a coffee bean.” – Unknown
  37. “Coffee is not a beverage… It’s a moment of pleasure.” – Unknown
  38. “Good communication is just as stimulating as black coffee and just as hard to sleep after.” – Anne Morrow Lindbergh
  39. “Coffee helps me maintain my ‘never killed anyone’ streak.” – Unknown
  40. “Drink coffee and do good.” – Unknown
  41. “Coffee is a hug for your brain.” – Unknown
  42. “If you’re not shaking, you need another cup.” – Unknown
  43. “Coffee, because adulting is hard.” – Unknown
  44. “Without coffee, nothing gets written. Period.” – Nancy Kress
  45. “Coffee with a friend is like capturing happiness in a cup.” – Unknown
  46. “Coffee is the passport to the day.” – Unknown
  47. “Caffeine and kindness.” – Unknown
  48. “Coffee is my love language.” – Unknown
  49. “Coffee first, adulting second.” – Unknown
  50. “Procaffeinating: The tendency to not start anything until you’ve had a cup of coffee.” – Unknown
  51. “May your coffee be strong and your Monday be short.” – Unknown
  52. “Espresso yourself.” – Unknown
  53. “Coffee: because hating your job should be done with enthusiasm.” – Unknown
  54. “I want someone to look at me the way I look at coffee.” – Unknown
  55. “Coffee is like duct tape. It fixes everything.” – Unknown
  56. “I only need coffee on days ending with ‘y’.” – Unknown
  57. “Coffee keeps me going until it’s time for wine.” – Unknown
  58. “Coffee is the most important meal of the day.” – Unknown
  59. “Sometimes I stay up so late that I have my morning coffee before I go to bed.” – Unknown
  60. “Coffee is the gasoline of life.” – Unknown
  61. “I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.” – Lewis Black
  62. “Behind every successful woman is a substantial amount of coffee.” – Stephanie Piro
  63. “I don’t know how people live without coffee, I really don’t.” – Martha Quinn
  64. “Coffee is a great power in my life; I have observed its effects on an epic scale.” – Honore de Balzac
  65. “We want to do a lot of stuff; we’re not in great shape. We didn’t get a good night’s sleep. We’re a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup.” – Jerry Seinfeld
  66. “If it wasn’t for coffee, I’d have no discernible personality at all.” – David Letterman
  67. “Coffee is real good when you drink it; it gives you time to think. It’s a lot more than just a drink; it’s something happening. Not as in hip, but like an event, a place to be, but not like a location, but like somewhere within yourself. It gives you time, but not actual hours or minutes, but a chance to be, like be yourself, and have a second cup.” – Gertrude Stein
  68. “I would rather suffer with coffee than be senseless.” – Napoleon Bonaparte
  69. “The morning cup of coffee has an exhilaration about it which the cheering influence of the afternoon or evening cup of tea cannot be expected to reproduce.” – Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr.
  70. “No one can understand the truth until he drinks of coffee’s frothy goodness.” – Sheik Abd-al-Kabir
  71. “Coffee, the favorite drink of the civilized world.” – Thomas Jefferson (Duplicate removed)
  72. “If you’re going to do something tonight that you’ll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.” – Henny Youngman
  73. “My coffee machine is the most beautiful person in the world to me.” – AJ Lee
  74. “A yawn is a silent scream for coffee.” – Unknown
  75. “Coffee is a beverage that puts one to sleep when not drank.” – Alphonse Allais (Duplicate removed)
  76. “Coffee is the best medicine.” – Unknown
  77. “Coffee and love are best when they are hot.” – German Proverb
  78. “Coffee: because you can sleep when you’re dead.” – Unknown
  79. “Ah, that is a perfume in which I delight; when they roast coffee near my house, I hasten to open the door to take in all the aroma.” – Jean Jacques Rousseau
  80. “Three cups of coffee a day, keeps the doctor away!” – Johann Sebastian Bach
  81. “A cup of coffee shared with a friend is happiness tasted and time well spent.” – Unknown
  82. “Coffee is not just a drink; it’s a cup of sanity.” – Unknown
  83. “I’d rather be someone’s shot of espresso than everyone’s cup of tea.” – Unknown
  84. “Coffee, the intellectual beverage.” – Jonathan Swift (Duplicate removed)
  85. “It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a genuine medical need for coffee to wait in line behind people who apparently view it as some kind of recreational activity.” – Dave Barry
  86. “Coffee is my favorite co-worker.” – Unknown
  87. “A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.” – Paul Erdos
  88. “I like coffee exceedingly…” – H.P. Lovecraft
  89. “I have no problem with caffeine. I have a problem without it.” – Unknown
  90. “Coffee should be as black as night, as hot as love, and as sweet as life.” – Brazilian Proverb
  91. “Good ideas start with great coffee.” – Unknown
  92. “Depresso: The feeling you get when you’ve run out of coffee.” – Unknown
  93. “Coffee in England always tastes like a chemistry experiment.” – Agatha Christie
  94. “A cup of gourmet coffee shared with a friend is happiness tasted and time well spent.” – Unknown
  95. “Everybody should believe in something. I believe I’ll have another coffee.” – Unknown
  96. “I never drink coffee at lunch. I find it keeps me awake for the afternoon.” – Ronald Reagan
  97. “In dog coffees, I’ve only had one.” – Unknown
  98. “Sleep is a symptom of caffeine deprivation.” – Unknown
  99. “I like my coffee like I like my mornings: dark, bitter, and too hot for you.” – Unknown
  100. “The voodoo priest and all his powders were as nothing compared to espresso, cappuccino, and mocha, which are stronger than all the religions of the world combined, and perhaps stronger than the human soul itself.” – Mark Helprin
  101. “Coffee is a lot more than just a drink; it’s something happening.”

I hope you enjoyed these funny coffee sayings. I certainly enjoyed compiling the list.

Which funny quotes about coffee sum up your feelings the best?