If you are like me, coffee is not just a drink; it’s an essential part of your daily routine, a ritual, a source of comfort, and a reason to smile.
In celebration of our shared love for this magical elixir, I’ve compiled a list of funny coffee quotes and puns from various authors, celebrities, and historical figures that will surely make you chuckle as you sip your favorite cup of joe.
These coffee puns and quotes are perfect for sharing with friends on Facebook or other types of social media, adding a touch of humor to your morning routine, or simply brightening your day.
So, grab your steaming mug, sit back, and join me in a delightful journey through the hilarious world of coffee-inspired wit and wordplay.
- “Without my morning coffee, I’m just like a dried-up piece of goat.” – J.S. Bach
- “A morning coffee is my favorite way of starting the day, settling the nerves so that they don’t later fray.” – Marcia Carrington
- “I have measured out my life with coffee spoons.” – T.S. Eliot
- “I never laugh until I’ve had my coffee.” – Clark Gable
- “Coffee is the best thing to douse the sunrise with.” – Terri Guillemets
- “What goes best with a cup of coffee? Another cup.” – Henry Rollins
- “To me, the smell of fresh-made coffee is one of the greatest inventions.” – Hugh Jackman
- “I believe humans get a lot done, not because we’re smart, but because we have thumbs so we can make coffee.” – Flash Rosenberg
- “Even bad coffee is better than no coffee at all.” – David Lynch
- “Coffee, the favorite drink of the civilized world.” – Thomas Jefferson
- “Coffee makes us severe, and grave, and philosophical.” – Jonathan Swift
- “Coffee is a way of stealing time that should by rights belong to your older self.” – Terry Pratchett
- “As long as there was coffee in the world, how bad could things be?” – Cassandra Clare
- “Coffee first. Schemes later.” – Leanna Renee Hieber
- “I can’t imagine a day without coffee. I can’t imagine!” – Howard Schultz
- “Black as the devil, hot as hell, pure as an angel, sweet as love.” – Charles Maurice de Talleyrand
- “I’d rather take coffee than compliments just now.” – Louisa May Alcott
- “Coffee is a hug in a mug.” – Unknown
- “I like my coffee like I like myself: strong, sweet, and too hot for you.” – Jac Vanek
- “Coffee smells like freshly ground heaven.” – Jesse Lane Adams
- “Coffee should be black as hell, strong as death, and sweet as love.” – Turkish Proverb
- “I orchestrate my mornings to the tune of coffee.” – Terri Guillemets
- “You can’t buy happiness, but you can buy coffee, and that’s pretty close.” – Unknown
- “Coffee is the common man’s gold, and like gold, it brings to every person the feeling of luxury and nobility.” – Sheik-Abd-al-Kadir
- “Coffee, the finest organic suspension ever devised.” – Star Trek: Voyager
- “Adventure in life is good; consistency in coffee even better.” – Justina Chen
- “Coffee is a beverage that puts one to sleep when not drank.” – Alphonse Allais
- “Coffee is like a high-five in your mouth.” – Unknown
- “Coffee is a language in itself.” – Jackie Chan
- “Coffee, it’s the lifeblood that fuels the dreams of champions!” – Mike Ditka
- “The powers of a man’s mind are directly proportioned to the quantity of coffee he drinks.” – Sir James Mackintosh
- “Way too much coffee. But if it weren’t for the coffee, I’d have no identifiable personality whatsoever.” – David Letterman
- “I like my coffee with cream and my literature with optimism.” – Abigail Reynolds
- “Life’s too short to drink cheap coffee.” – Unknown
- “Coffee and friends make the perfect blend.” – Unknown
- “My birthstone is a coffee bean.” – Unknown
- “Coffee is not a beverage… It’s a moment of pleasure.” – Unknown
- “Good communication is just as stimulating as black coffee and just as hard to sleep after.” – Anne Morrow Lindbergh
- “Coffee helps me maintain my ‘never killed anyone’ streak.” – Unknown
- “Drink coffee and do good.” – Unknown
- “Coffee is a hug for your brain.” – Unknown
- “If you’re not shaking, you need another cup.” – Unknown
- “Coffee, because adulting is hard.” – Unknown
- “Without coffee, nothing gets written. Period.” – Nancy Kress
- “Coffee with a friend is like capturing happiness in a cup.” – Unknown
- “Coffee is the passport to the day.” – Unknown
- “Caffeine and kindness.” – Unknown
- “Coffee is my love language.” – Unknown
- “Coffee first, adulting second.” – Unknown
- “Procaffeinating: The tendency to not start anything until you’ve had a cup of coffee.” – Unknown
- “May your coffee be strong and your Monday be short.” – Unknown
- “Espresso yourself.” – Unknown
- “Coffee: because hating your job should be done with enthusiasm.” – Unknown
- “I want someone to look at me the way I look at coffee.” – Unknown
- “Coffee is like duct tape. It fixes everything.” – Unknown
- “I only need coffee on days ending with ‘y’.” – Unknown
- “Coffee keeps me going until it’s time for wine.” – Unknown
- “Coffee is the most important meal of the day.” – Unknown
- “Sometimes I stay up so late that I have my morning coffee before I go to bed.” – Unknown
- “Coffee is the gasoline of life.” – Unknown
- “I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.” – Lewis Black
- “Behind every successful woman is a substantial amount of coffee.” – Stephanie Piro
- “I don’t know how people live without coffee, I really don’t.” – Martha Quinn
- “Coffee is a great power in my life; I have observed its effects on an epic scale.” – Honore de Balzac
- “We want to do a lot of stuff; we’re not in great shape. We didn’t get a good night’s sleep. We’re a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup.” – Jerry Seinfeld
- “If it wasn’t for coffee, I’d have no discernible personality at all.” – David Letterman
- “Coffee is real good when you drink it; it gives you time to think. It’s a lot more than just a drink; it’s something happening. Not as in hip, but like an event, a place to be, but not like a location, but like somewhere within yourself. It gives you time, but not actual hours or minutes, but a chance to be, like be yourself, and have a second cup.” – Gertrude Stein
- “I would rather suffer with coffee than be senseless.” – Napoleon Bonaparte
- “The morning cup of coffee has an exhilaration about it which the cheering influence of the afternoon or evening cup of tea cannot be expected to reproduce.” – Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr.
- “No one can understand the truth until he drinks of coffee’s frothy goodness.” – Sheik Abd-al-Kabir
- “Coffee, the favorite drink of the civilized world.” – Thomas Jefferson (Duplicate removed)
- “If you’re going to do something tonight that you’ll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.” – Henny Youngman
- My coffee machine is the most beautiful person in the world to me.” – AJ Lee
- “A yawn is a silent scream for coffee.” – Unknown
- “Coffee is a beverage that puts one to sleep when not drank.” – Alphonse Allais (Duplicate removed)
- “Coffee is the best medicine.” – Unknown
- “Coffee and love are best when they are hot.” – German Proverb
- “Coffee: because you can sleep when you’re dead.” – Unknown
- “Ah, that is a perfume in which I delight; when they roast coffee near my house, I hasten to open the door to take in all the aroma.” – Jean Jacques Rousseau
- “Three cups of coffee a day, keeps the doctor away!” – Johann Sebastian Bach
- “A cup of coffee shared with a friend is happiness tasted and time well spent.” – Unknown
- “Coffee is not just a drink; it’s a cup of sanity.” – Unknown
- “I’d rather be someone’s shot of espresso than everyone’s cup of tea.” – Unknown
- “Coffee, the intellectual beverage.” – Jonathan Swift (Duplicate removed)
- “It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a genuine medical need for coffee to wait in line behind people who apparently view it as some kind of recreational activity.” – Dave Barry
- “Coffee is my favorite co-worker.” – Unknown
- “A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.” – Paul Erdos
- “I like coffee exceedingly…” – H.P. Lovecraft
- “I have no problem with caffeine. I have a problem without it.” – Unknown
- “Coffee should be as black as night, as hot as love, and as sweet as life.” – Brazilian Proverb
- “Good ideas start with great coffee.” – Unknown
- “Depresso: The feeling you get when you’ve run out of coffee.” – Unknown
- “Coffee in England always tastes like a chemistry experiment.” – Agatha Christie
- “A cup of gourmet coffee shared with a friend is happiness tasted and time well spent.” – Unknown
- “Everybody should believe in something. I believe I’ll have another coffee.” – Unknown
- “I never drink coffee at lunch. I find it keeps me awake for the afternoon.” – Ronald Reagan
- “In dog coffees, I’ve only had one.” – Unknown
- “Sleep is a symptom of caffeine deprivation.” – Unknown
- “I like my coffee like I like my mornings: dark, bitter, and too hot for you.” – Unknown
- “The voodoo priest and all his powders were as nothing compared to espresso, cappuccino, and mocha, which are stronger than all the religions of the world combined, and perhaps stronger than the human soul itself.” – Mark Helprin
- “Coffee is a lot more than just a drink; it’s something happening.”
I hope you enjoyed these funny coffee sayings. I certainly enjoyed compiling the list.
Which funny quotes about coffee sum up your feelings the best?
My name is Dana Dupree and I am an avid coffee lover. Since I began college and realized what a heavy load writing majors took on, I have been a fan of the bean juice.
My job took me all over the US on book tours and press conferences, and my favorite part about the trip was exploring the best places to grab my cup of Joe.
